Your student loan officer is a woman named Brenda who holds the phone in such a way that you can hear each keystroke in her quest to “move some stuff around” and get you an installment plan that “makes sense for everybody.”
Pollack-Surrey Reverse Gay Conversion Therapy Camp is a week-long retreat designed to reprogram your sexual circuitry and make you a healthier, happier you. Did it work for me? You bet your gay ass it did.
I mean, yeah, there’s always going to be somebody more successful than you by whatever metric you choose to measure success. That’s not what this is about. I don’t care that he’s like, wicked rich and famous or whatever.