Yelp Review of Reverse Gay Conversion Therapy Camp

Yelp Review of Reverse Gay Conversion Therapy Camp

Pollack-Surrey Reverse Gay Conversion Therapy Camp is a week-long retreat designed to reprogram your sexual circuitry and make you a healthier, happier you. Did it work for me? You bet your gay ass it did.

Diary Entry Of A Guy Whose Wife Used To Date Elon Musk

Diary Entry Of A Guy Whose Wife Used To Date Elon Musk

I mean, yeah, there’s always going to be somebody more successful than you by whatever metric you choose to measure success. That’s not what this is about. I don’t care that he’s like, wicked rich and famous or whatever.

An iPhone User Dumps Her Boyfriend

An iPhone User Dumps Her Boyfriend

Bethany told me not to snoop. It’s a breach of trust, she said. Yeah, well, you know what else is a breach of trust, Greg? Sleeping with Chloe Daniels.

Cowboys Are Not Linguists They Are Cowboys

Cowboys Are Not Linguists They Are Cowboys

Garth is telling Steven that he wants to sit in the corner seat because that’s how you know you won’t get shot in the back by someone who walks into the saloon and wants to shoot you in the back.

Bob Saget Explains "How I Met Your Mother" To His Own Kids

Bob Saget Explains "How I Met Your Mother" To His Own Kids

By Duke Harten

Kids, let me tell you about the time I was hired to do voice work as the older version of a character whose voice is already fully mature when the show begins, rendering my role not just unnecessary but sort of confusing, too.

How To Avoid The Friend Zone

How To Avoid The Friend Zone

Careful, though. You don’t want to come off as desperate. So after you shout the compliment, drive away as quick as you can.

The Human Factory

The Human Factory

The Factory, unfathomable in size and complexity, is where humans are made. This is the first lesson each angel learns upon arrival. The second lesson: God likes to delegate.

My Blind Date With a Troll

My Blind Date With a Troll

“Melanie,” says Elroy, flashing a smile that might be alluring if I were blind. “Relax. It’s just dinner.” He plucks a long black hair from one of his facial warts. “Let’s get you a drink.”

Missed Connection

Missed Connection

I’m actually a vegetarian and even if I wasn’t, fat chance I’d go to a hot dog cart—everything you need to know about hot dogs you can learn from the hot dog episode of How It's Made.

In Other Words

In Other Words

Barry didn’t consider himself the prime mover of this divorce—he considered himself a failed failsafe. In other words, Barry felt like the shield generator on the forest moon of Endor.  

Adolescence is Hard Even When You're an Alien

Adolescence is Hard Even When You're an Alien

We don’t care what Zorg’s parents said.  Don’t roll your eye. While you’re living in our pod, you play by our rules. And anyone living in our pod doesn’t go sneaking off at two in the morning to play UFOs.

Aaron Sorkin and William Shakespeare Go Shooting

Aaron Sorkin and William Shakespeare Go Shooting

William Shakespeare watched the pigeon’s trajectory and flinched at the sound of Sorkin’s gun.  The clay exploded in midair.  Shakespeare whistled.  “Nice shot, Aaron.”